Monthly Archives: December 2011

Be in love always…

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I have a confession to make- I have sat in a shrink’s chair and been shrunk. At this point I would like to apologize to the inventors of the English language for the blatant abuse of language. I cannot promise I will not do it again. Anyway what I’m saying is I went to a therapist and received therapy. Now all ye who thought I was crazy; your suspicions have been confirmed. I don’t mind though, the best quote I have read in two months said, “What other people think of you is none of your business”. At some point during therapy we delved into relationships. I was (can you believe it) telling the therapist I need a boyfriend, lol! Then she asked why? To which I replied “I think it will add some excitement to my life”. Do believe I am smiling as I write this because I was so young and foolish back then, (this hasn’t changed I am stillJ). Then she went on to teach me a valuable lesson. She taught me that the right attitude is not, “I need some excitement, let me find someone who will bring it my way” or “I need love let me find someone to love me”. She said if your life is not exciting enough when you’re single, it will not become more exciting when you are coupled. If you lack enough love when you are by yourself, no one will give you the love you need. The right attitude therefore is my life is exciting let me share the excitement with someone and I have love, let me share it with someone who has love too.

The idea is wholeness begets wholeness. In any relationship the ideal situation is a whole person joining another whole person. When two whole people get together, they raise each other up in the same way iron sharpens iron.  When a whole person gets together with someone who is half-empty (for lack of a better expression), the whole person will be drained and the other person will be worse off than when they began and it will be disaster all around. Do you remember the movie “Jerry Maguire”? If your memory hasn’t been affected by the pressures of 21st century living you might remember it. If not, take heart you are not entirely to blame. The most famous scene was where (in no particular order) Tom Cruise’s character passionately and emphatically tells Renee Zellweger’s character; “You complete me”. Renee Zellweger’s character says, “You had me at hello”.  The line I have a problem with is “you complete me”. There is no human being who can complete another. Expecting someone to complete you is totally unfair because it is asking the impossible. If ever there was someone who can complete anyone it is God the creator because He knows all about your empty bits best and if you let him he will fill them up.

The other question is how you become someone who has love to share rather than someone in need of love. A simple answer is practice. I recently read the longest article and it talked about women no longer desiring marriage as before. There was a lot to sift through but I found something very useful from it. The writer said we spend so much time worrying about being single we forget that being single does not shut us out from all avenues of expressing love. This got me thinking that indeed we do esteem the romantic relationship too highly that we forget there are other relationships to be had. It is not uncommon to see someone get into a relationship and then months down the line you start to wonder what their face looked like because you really haven’t seen them in months. On the flip side those who are single feel like having a significant other will totally elevate their social life.

What I’m trying to say is if you’re single there is no better time to practice love like the present. Look around you, there are sisters, brothers, cousins, nephews and nieces, and not forgetting friends who could all use you special brand of loving. If it had not occurred to you, I’m telling you now; no one can love another person the way you can. Loving, no doubt require some sacrifice especially in terms of time and resources but whoever said the best things are free, lied. The better than best things or exceptional if you will require sacrifice. The time and energy spent loving other people will translate into a becoming more loveable with a more attractive personality to boot. This is because love begets love. When you love people, people will love you in return and when others see that you’re loveable they will be intrigued if nothing elseJ.

I will finish with a quote from Oscar Wilde. He said, “One should be in love always that is why one should never marry”. The first time I read this quote I only found the first half and I thought “interesting”. Later on I found the whole quote and I thought I disagree with the second part of it. Be that as it may, I think Oscar was on to something. My understanding of this quote is there are no excuses for walking around feeling woiye (read, woe is me) because you are not in a romantic relationship. Instead we should be filled with love for God, ourselves and the people who have been fortunate enough to cross our paths. As the prayer of St Francis of Assissi goes, seek not so much to be understood but to understand and seek not so much to be loved but to love (special emphasis on the love part).